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Review: Vampires Everywhere! – Hellbound and Heartless

25 July 2012

“Any band would take being the Twilight of the shock rock world rather than be the Vampires Everywhere! of it..”

Artist Name: Vampires Everywhere!
Album Name: Hellbound and Heartless
Year: 2012
Genre:
Shock Rock/Industrial Metal
Label: Hollywood Waste Records

Deciding to wave goodbye to metalcore and dip their fangs into shock rock and industrial metal, Vampires Everywhere! have failed miserably at their best Marilyn Manson impressions on their second album, Hellbound and Heartless.

Half-incoherent, half-laughable (for the first time I’m not laughing at what they look like, but their actual music), Hellbound and Heartless is the sounds of a band (I’m using this term loosely) scraping the bottom of the barrel for reinvention – and a smidge of inspiration. Listen (or don’t listen) as they musically rape Nirvana’s ‘Rape Me’ with their sickening cover, make a mockery of industrial metal and Deathstars on ‘Anti-Hate,’ suffocate your ears with ‘I Can’t Breathe,’ and inspire you to take drugs just to forget ‘Drug of Choice.’ To make matters worse, they’ve included 16 tracks on this album to make the torture last longer.

It’s weird, because VE! abuse every cliché in the book and even “borrow” a few transparent ideas, yet they still manage to crash and burn badly. It’s kind of like the kid who steals the test paper before the exam, studies all the questions and answers, and still fails. Really, if you aren’t going to do much with your copy of Antichrist Superstar, please give it to me.

After this appalling album, it’s safe to say that any band would take being the Twilight of the shock rock world rather than be the Vampires Everywhere! of it.

Best Tracks: None

20/100

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  • Marcus

    If you don’t like this band that is fine, its your opinion (not that anyone really cares) but I have to say this might be the most poorly written review I have ever read. The title alone is embarrassing. I hope for your sake you are still in high school.

    Remember, those who can… do, and those who can’t become critics.

    (which I guess I am doing by criticizing the critic, but oh well)

    Please…find something you do well and leave the reviews to someone with an intelligent thought.

  • Horatio

    The title of the review? Lol. Do you know what a title is? I agree it’s a terrible title that tells you exactly what’s on the page (and doesn’t have enough sparkle for you lost boys). It should’ve been “Review: Cullens Everywhere! – Lolbound and Talentless”.

    When you question other people’s education, you should really look at your own. But I suppose you don’t have one, because judging by your comment you must play for Cullens Everywhere!

    I’m going to troll your page now.

    - Horatio the Troll King

  • lol

    “Remember, those who can… do” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Vampires Everywhere do nothing but look like lol cats.

    marcus u must be gay to defend this band. enjoy the fap over the photos.