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5 Reasons Why The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Are Really A Boy Band

Sergio Pereira — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:10:58 +0000

It is all a conspiracy. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be exactly what they are labelled as, but they are also something far worse. Much worse than Darth Vader’s Death Star or the demise of Cherry Coke. I hate to break this to you, but I’m afraid I’ll have to: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are really a boy band.

Here are the 5 reasons why:

1. Rat Manager

Behind every successful boy band is a rat-bastard manager, who would sell his own mother for a packet of branded Skittles. I mean, really, why else would Master Splinter adopt 4 mutated reptiles and give them such marketable names? I just see how the meeting went in Hollywood: Splinter: “Hmm…let’s start a boy band, made up of 4 turtles, all named after Renaissance artists!” Execs: “We love it! Here’s $20 million!”

I still believe after the Turtles’ popularity waned in the mid 90s, Splinter was responsible for the ghastly Street Sharks, another boy band made of sharks. Typical rotten manager move…

2. Predictable Personalities

Remember how every boy band consisted of the leader, the bad boy, the funny guy and the smart one? You know what I’m talking about. Leonardo is Ronan Keating, Raphael is A.J. McLean, Michelangelo is Joey Fatone, and Donatello is Danny Wood. April O’Neil is also the groupie, in case you were wondering.

3. Synchronised Moves and Similar Outfits

Synchronised moves and similar wardrobes…no, we’re not talking about Westlife; we’re talking about the Turtles. Yeah, I saw you 4 pesky turtles getting your synchronised jive on to Vanilla Ice in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Every fight scene looking like it was choreographed by the team behind New Kids on the Block. Disgusting.

4. Punks Loathe Them

We’ve already established that Bebop and Rocksteady are punk supervillains, but why do they hate the Turtles so much? It’s because they’re pop scum! Think about it: do you think you’d ever spot Henry Rollins enjoying a pint with Aaron Carter? Absolutely not. Bebop and Rocksteady just want to make raw tunes and show the finger to the system, but the Turtles keep hogging (no offence, Bebop) the spotlight. Travesty, I tell you.

5. Marketing Whores

Putting their likeness on everything from pizza to lunch boxes to bubble bath, the Turtles even put the Parlotones to shame with their unabashed lust for cold, hard cash. They don’t care about selling out – just selling. Everyone who was born in the 80s is responsible for aiding them by purchasing their action figure line. Shame on us.

- Sergio Pereira

Review: Rammstein – Made In Germany 1995 – 2011

Sergio Pereira — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:29:04 +0000

“Made in Germany 1995 – 2011 is Rammstein’s greatest hits collection…”

Artist Name: Rammstein
Album Name: Made in Germany 1995 – 2011
Year: 2011
Genre: Industrial Metal
Label: Universal

Released late last year, Made in Germany 1995 – 2011 is Rammstein’s greatest hits collection, capturing all their hits from (surprise, surprise) 1995 – 2011. The release is available in 3 different editions: the Standard Edition, which contains 1 CD; the Special Edition, which contains 2 CDs; and the Super Deluxe Edition, which contains 2 CDs and 3 DVDs. Personally, I’d go for the Super Deluxe Edition, which might be a little more expensive, but is more value for buck and comes across like the complete Rammstein experience.

As with most greatest hits collections, you’re likely to clash with your friends over which song should be labelled as quintessential Rammstein and which shouldn’t. However, the compilers did do a decent job of selecting the more well-known Rammstein songs, such as ‘Ich Will’, ‘Du Hast’ and ‘Links 2-3-4’, and also throwing in a few other hits that are more popular amongst the real Ramheads, such as ‘Mein Herz Brennt’, ‘Mutter’ and ‘Rosenrot’. Even so, I still struggling to understand why the Depeche Mode cover, ‘Stripped’, ‘Seemann’, ‘Feuer Frei!’, and ‘Rammstein’ (some of these songs do appear in remixed form on the second disc) failed to make the grade, because those songs are arguably better known than ‘Haifisch’, for example. Almost feels like they’re trying to push other tracks as the “best of”, when really they’re okay-ish at best.

So, is Made in Germany 1995 – 2011 worthwhile and should you buy it? Well, if you don’t own all the Rammstein albums, I’d say yes. However, if you’re an avid fan, who owns all their CDs and DVDs, this collection’s relevance might be lost on you – apart from the remix disc and the odd DVD. Maybe buy the tracks, which you’re missing, individually, such as the never-released-before ‘Mein Land’.

Best Tracks: ‘Mein Herz Brennt’, ‘Pussy’, and ‘Ich Will’

65/100

- Frankie Styxx

Band of the Week: Twin Atlantic

Sergio Pereira — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:41:58 +0000

MusicReview’s “Band of the Week” is Twin Atlantic.

Galloping out of Glasgow, Scotland, and creating more excitement than a Rangers vs. Celtic game, Twin Atlantic are quickly becoming your new favourite band – according to Kerrang! – and latching on to huge tours (with big name acts such as Blink-182, You Me At Six and The Swellers) quicker than Kim Kardashian on to an NBA All-Star.

The band’s critically acclaimed full-length debut, Free, was recorded with legendary producer Gil Norton (Foo Fighters, Pixies, Jimmy Eat World). Leaving it all on the line and keeping the energy levels at 11, the Twin Atlantic make sure that the melody rings and the songs remain in your heart for a helluva long time.

Showcasing enormous sweeping riffs, moods that flit from light to shade, and impassioned vocals dripping with gorgeous Scottish vowels, Twin Atlantic are breaking the shackles and crossing the seas. This is one band that you’ll want to keep your eyes and ears on.

Twin Atlantic are:

Sam McTrusty – Lead Vocals & Guitar
Ross McNae – Bass, Piano & Vocals
Barry McKenna – Guitar, Cello & Vocals
Craig Kneale – Drums & Vocals

Watch a live version of ‘Free’ here.

Free is out now via Red Bull Records. Purchase it below from Amazon.

Top 5 Bands That Should Make A Comeback In 2012

Sergio Pereira — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 07:17:27 +0000

Inevitably, most bands will break-up eventually – unless you’re The Rolling Stones, who seem to outlast everything, including dinosaurs and several World Wars. As fans, we shed tears and pray for reunions, reconciliations and Dr. Phil interventions. Many times, like the plot from a Hollywood feel-good film, they’ll hear our cries, come back (for a ridiculous amount of money that bankrupts a promoter or two) and then ride off into the sunset again.

Anyway, below are the 5 bands that MusicReview would like to see make a comeback in 2012.

Stabbing Westward

Alternative rockers Stabbing Westward formed in 1985 and disbanded in 2002. Apparently, this is another case of handbags between members, which is impeding any possible reunion for the time being. Come now, guys, give each other a kiss; you might like it!

Thursday

Look, they only went on an indefinite hiatus last year, but Thursday is a crucial cog of the modern rock scene. An immensely talented, diverse band that deserved more recognition than they received. Hopefully, they’ll miss us, too.

Led Zeppelin

In a way, Zeppelin are doing the right thing by stepping aside and not attempting to taint their musical legacy – but we’re sure we aren’t the only ones who feel that a Zeppelin reunion show would be a million times better than any current A list concert. Now, if only Robert Plant wouldn’t be so stubborn…

The Distillers

The Distillers might’ve been a short-lived punk band, but they left a lasting impression during their 6 year career from 1998-2004. You’ll still catch us spinning 2003’s Coral Fang from time-to-time.

Oasis

Oh, this will happen. Once Liam and Noel Gallagher have it out in a cage match like 2 WWE wrestlers competing for a spot in Chyna’s new porno, they’ll be buds again, record a new album, go out on a world tour, fight and break up again. Just trust us on this one; Oasis isn’t finished.

Who would you like to see make a comeback in 2012? Let us know below.